I have had a really hard time wanting to go to church lately. I feel as though I have never felt before about church.
When I was young I didn't like to go because my parents made me.(and any of you who know me , know that anything my parents want for me I dont want.) And now I feel like I should be there. I want to be there...I really want to, want to be there. But since I started going back to church here it has been so loud and disruptive in church . I cant listen and I feel alot of not nice things about other people who are there. Mostly parents who are too disrepectful to take there loud children out inot the hall like they should. I understand that children make noises sometimes and its bound to happen now and then. But it is every sunday and its very very loud. Alomost all of the kids are making some kind of noise and parents are talking with one another.
I am finding it very hard to feel the spirit.
I have a very reverent feeling about my church experiance as a youth. And I wonder about the other people who go to church with me. I wonder if the other people had the same experiences i had as a child. Or if they had a very loud experience. I wonder if any of them feel the spirit when thye go to church. Or is it just a place to socialize? Is it just a place they go because they feel like they have to go? Church is a place you should go to becuase you WANT to not only because you should go. I want to go to church. i plan to go to church ,every Saturday night I plan in my head what I am gonna wear and how much time I need t get ready in the morning. I know that when I comes to church the thought is not all that counts. But I really feel like going to church should be a spiritual experience. I feel like if I go with the right attitude it would be worth all of the noise. I also feel like if you go just to go and you have anger in your heart , is that the best place for you to be?
I know that church is where I need to be every Sunday. But I want it to be more of an experience like my childhood,for my children. I dont want them to think that this is the norm for our church because it isn't.
Well i just needed to get that off my chest. I do feel better now. Who knows maybe I will be at church on Sunday with a smile on my face and in my heart. Who knows? I do.....:-)
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I hear ya sister! I know how you feel because we were in that ward too. It's hard to feel reverent and peaceful because it is such a HUGE ward and there is so much noise and so much going on. I had a hard time going sometimes too because I didn't feel like my attitude was inviting the spirit. I was talking to one of my visiting teachers once when Addison was a baby and I was questioning what was the point of even going to church because all I did for 3 hours was walk the halls with a fussy baby. I didn't really even get to go to class (because like you I get very irritated when people sit in there with loud children, so I always took mine out). Very sweetly she told me that probably every mother feels this way at some time or another, but we go because we're following the law of obedience. Even if we get nothing else out of church that day, we are following the Lord's commandments and that is definitely something. All I can say is that there have been so many Sundays when I have just gone to church because I know that's what I'm supposed to do and most of the time I end up being so glad that I did. We'll have a lesson in Sunday School or Relief Society or someone will bear their testimony and it will be exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. I have been right where you are so please don't think I'm judging or trying to be preachy. But I know that I have NEVER felt bad about going to church, but there have been plenty of times when I have felt bad about NOT going. Hang in there, hopefully things will get better. And just know that no matter what you are being such an amazing example to your children. Just the fact that you're giving it so much thought shows what a wonderful mother you are and that you truly want what's best for your family. Love you!
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