Today has just begun and I have a feeling it Will just continue in the pattern that's already laid out before me.
6:30 am woke up late.( not so good)
6:50 Jacob shows up.(good)
7:00 Evan wakes up.(good)
7:05 Evan demands to be fed.( not so good)
7:15 Evan is being very obnoxious and messing with everyone.(no good)
8:00 Evan takes a toy from Jacob, I got on to him and spanked his butt for yelling at me.(bad)
8:15 Evan gets sent to time out for telling me " I wish I didn't have a mommy, I hate you."(very bad)
8:30 mom is sad and feeling very bad.(very bad)
So now Evan has gotten up from time out ad is doing better and said he was sorry. I'm not convinced he meant it. But I am feel less sad.(good)
I'm already getting over it, but it hurt my feelings this time. Normally I get "mom I hate you" or "Mom i don't want to be your friend" But this is a first for "I wish didn't have a mommy."
I know in my heart and head that hes a little boy and all little children need to find an outlet when they get angry. But how can I teach him the best way for him to release without showing him how much it hurts when he says such mean things? I'm good at hiding my emotions.... even as I type that i know its a lie. I'm not good at hiding my emotions with my kids..
I guess parent hood is never what you thought it would be.And I need to not be so sensitive! I love my boys but they do know how to hurt a person.
I love my boys and hope that they can become sensitive men and be more understanding of peoples feelings. But I think I will work with the older two for now, I dont have as much time with them....
Well thanks for reading, I do feel much better getting these sad feeling off my chest..
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2 comments:
I'm sorry you are having such a tough "Mommy" day. I'm glad you are able to journal your feelings and find some comfort in doing so, plus I think it helps to get feed back that you're not alone; all Mommy's have sad moments and days. Being a parent is the toughest job (and the most important) in the world. It truly is an amazing emotional ride. You feel such love, joy, and pride, while at other times you feel frustration, and hurt. There are times were you feel large and in charge, while at other times you feel very inadequate, there are days, times and moments were you feel as though you are doing a great job, raising these wonderful spirits you have been entrusted and blessed with, other times when you question the wisdom of you being entrusted and responsible for these spirits. I believe you feel no greater joy or pain then in the role as a parent. What I always tried to remember was;
“I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it”.
That always gave me comfort, and I think rings so true as a parent. Hang in there, it never gets easy to be a parent, even when they are grown, but it is worth all the sleepless nights, and tears, there truly is no greater joy than being a parent.
Hugs
Thanks. I needed that!
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